I’ve been seeing a guy who has several attractive friends of the opposite sex. He has stated that they are too young and he is just not interested in them, nor has he ever had a relationship or “hooked up” with any of them in the past. I completely trust him. We have been dating for months now, and he is all mine. I really like all of his friends. Recently, however, two of the girls started acting strangely. They are best friends (sisters, actually). One was rude to me and one flirts with my boyfriend (both in person and on Facebook). My question: How do I handle myself when I need to be around these two people I don’t like? I try not to let it bother me, but these girls make me so uncomfortable that I want to leave or avoid social situations. We are both very social, so being together with everyone is important to both of us. Thoughts?
This is a tough predicament. These girls are his friends, you probably want to get along with them, and they are making it impossible. I know you have been seeing him for some months, but in some ways, you probably seem relatively new to his group of friends. When you’re seeing someone new, you are obviously worried about their feelings, but their friends’ opinions are important too. Whenever I have gotten involved with someone new, or a friend brings a new romantic interest into the group, I always try to reach out to the ‘new friends’ because it goes a long way and it shows you care about the ‘old friends’. It’s a shame these girls have been difficult, because if they had been pleasant, they might have made a new friend, it could have been more fun, and, for your purposes, probably would have helped settle your initial discomfort with your boyfriend’s friend group. However, the opposite has occurred and a potentially positive relationship has soured. I imagine from their perspective, they see an old friend that just cut off communication with them because he has a new girlfriend. He might not have explained why, and they probably, rightly or wrongly, blame you. They might also just see you as the girl who swooped in and took a man they were interested in, and they are jealous, vile girls. They might even think they are sticking up for their friend based on something that you might have done. Rather than giving up on these girls, which you probably have a right to do, it might not be too late to salvage it. And for your boyfriend’s sake you probably should. It’s important that you said ‘our’ hobbies. They aren’t just you and your boyfriend’s hobbies, these girls are part of the group as well. Maybe you can relate to them independently of you and your boyfriend’s relationship. Try killing them with kindness, and even though it might be difficult, be genuine. You can never lose by being the bigger person. Remember, these are the friends of someone who you care for deeply, and it is unlikely they are absent of all good qualities. Even though it’s tough, keep a stiff upper lip, and try and get along with them. Finally, I am happy your new boyfriend has been open and responsive to your feelings, but I will warn you about pushing too hard on his current friendships. These girls seem to be pains, but don’t forget they have a relationship with him as well. He will appreciate it if you try and remedy the situation on your own, and I am sure he would be happiest if you ended up winning them over. If their unbearable actions continue after you have done your best, tell him you are going to ignore them and why, and do so.
I’ll never ask you to get rid of your troglodyte friends, just promise to write in at Thenjackhappened@gmail.com