Then Jack Happened: The Girl That Won’t Let Go

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Question  I am single and have been on many more bad dates than good dates. Around a year ago I went on a date with a great guy. During the date I learned we had a friend of a friend of a friend situation. We know a good bit of the same people. The date went great, at least from my perspective. We left it with a good night kiss, and we agreed that we would see each other soon. I waited a few days and texted him to see what he was up to, and said we should say hi soon. He agreed and said he had fun and we should. Then crickets. We never got back together. Our mutual friend is having a party next weekend and I am thinking on asking him to make sure this guy gets invited so I can see him again. What is up with this guy? Do you think my plan is a good idea? Answer  Oh man. I’m sorry but he’s just not into you. Your plan to set up a ‘random’ meeting is not a good idea. The meet would likely be awkward and counterproductive. What will be productive is for you to keep dating, meeting new people, having fun, and stop thinking about this fellow. I understand that is easier said than done, the heart is wild and strong, but you have to manage it. Your muse might have enjoyed the date. He might not be a bad guy or he might be a dirt bag that enjoys crushing hopes and dreams. Maybe he got with his ex-fiancé, maybe he is a monk now, or maybe he moved to Ohio. There are a million things that could have happened. What is certain is that he didn’t set up another meeting with you, and you should accept that. You, like him, aren’t obligated to reciprocate romantic feelings with everyone that is interested in you. It is just difficult when you are the person that loses out on something you want. Explaining his actions, the kiss, the ‘sure let’s do it again text,’ is a bit of guesswork. But if he was otherwise a nice, respectful person, I imagine it is likely because most people have a hard time rejecting others. It seems easier to harmlessly smooch a date and say bye then have to give the awkward ‘here’s my cheek and now here’s your hug move.’ That is unfair to you because, although he might be trying to protect you, his course of action led you on so that he could avoid an awkward situation. This also goes for his ‘sure, let’s do it again’ text. There is nothing concrete in that message. If he were interested he’d just say ‘Thursday at 8 for sushi and Netflix ;)’ rather than punting on it. There is nothing to say that he didn’t have a great time with you. Maybe he did. But if you were giving the impression you wanted something that he didn’t, namely a romantic relationship, then he is doing you a service, albeit a ham-handed one, by not leading you on further by going out with you again. That is a tough pill for you to swallow I know, but it is a pill that almost everyone on the planet has had to deal with at some point or another. Lord knows I’ve done my fair share of unrequited pining. That doesn’t make it any easier, but it has been a year and you are wondering if an awkward rendezvous is appropriate. It’s time to move on. And please don’t say “I just want to know what happened.” That path is a dark and pointless lie and is really immaterial to the truth: it isn’t happening. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can move on and hopefully meet someone that you do connect with. Del Ray, you haven’t called in 14 months and I thought putt-putt was a lot of fun. I’ve never said ‘Thursday at 8 for sushi and Netflix ;)’ to anyone before, but I’ll watch Netflix your brains out at thenjackhappened@gmail.com. Oh Delray, I know you can do handstands and have problems so let’s work on it by sending your questions to thenjackhappened@ gmail.com.